There’s going to be a whole lot of commercials aired this Sunday for the Super Bowl. Some of them will be controversial and tell you not to kill babies (even babies you own!) and some of them will just feature hot chicks, beer and people getting hurt. But what you won’t see are the commercials below — because the commercials below are a special kind of commercial — they are banned commercials. Sent out of the veritable Eden that is the Super Bowl by the hard hand of God (CBS) for their transgressions — be it for being too violent, too sexy, or too Sodom and Gomorrah-ey.

So, without further ado, a few of the banned Super Bowl commercials of 2010…

KGB: Head In Your Ass

A commercial for “KGB” — no, not the Soviet Era secret service (or maybe? They’ve been out of the job for a while now), it’s a service that allows you to text them with any question and they will answer it, post-haste.

The commercial is banned because, well, we’re not sure. We imagine because if a 3rd grader stumbled by and saw it, he’d possibly laugh and then try to stick his own head up his ass? Who knows anymore.


GoDaddy: Lola

Okay, why is this banned? If it’s because Larry Jones is playing a flamboyant gay man, we’re disappointed in you, CBS. The commercial isn’t racy, scandalous or even very good, so… gay man it is, then. Which is a good thing, because we wouldn’t want a commercial with a faux gay football player to take away from the manliness of a sport where men smack each other’s rear ends, run around on spandex, and more often than not, end up on top of one another.

ManCrunch: Men Kissing

Here it is, the commercial being used as an example of CBS’s bias towards homosexuals and their support for not killing Football player fetuses. Aside from the name of the company, it’s far more chaste than half the stuff on TV, but, we suppose it crosses some line that, if you look too closely at, will turn you gay.

Doritos: Murder

You know what? We kind of agree with this one being banned. First of all, it’s not funny. Second of all, come on guys — everyone knows that killing men can be funny but killing women almost never is. Don’t have the guy drive over a woman to get his Doritos chips — you’re showing this commercial in front of a huge testosterone-y audience who now want to beat the driver and Doritos up.

It just doesn’t work.