Okay, fine — we weren’t big fans of the other Dennys commercials this year but, that one was pretty good. If you’re not on board, that was a little reference to that beloved internet trend of showing something sweet and then frightening the hell out of the viewer with some kind of woman shrieking at the top of her lungs. Very clever, Dennys, very clever.

You know what scares us though? As much as we hate Dennys food, we literally thought, “Oh, really, free Grand Slam on our birthday?” It’s as if “free” makes everything okay. Take note, prostitutes.

What? Why would we say that?