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2001 to 2010

Hundreds of commercials shown during the 2000-2010 superbowl commercials.

 

Heineken – 2005 – Brad Pitt Paparazzi

January 19, 2011 at 7:28 am

Say what you will about Brad Pitt, but the man is comfortable in his skin and that shows in every second of every performance he gives. Just the simple act of walking across the street for some beer gets his devoted performance.

Heineken here is trying to capture some of the Budweiser commercial love, but instead of doing something funny they wind up with… we don’t even really know what they did. We guess they thought it was funny enough that Brad Pitt is followed everywhere by paparazzi, but why? Is there anything even remotely funny about that? It’s like they’re saying to the viewing crowd “Look, people care when Brad Pitt leaves the house! Isn’t that great? Nobody cares about anything you do! Don’t you want to buy some Heineken now?”

No fellas, no, we do not want to buy any of your skunky beer.

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The Hulk Trailer – 2003

January 19, 2011 at 7:16 am

Back in 2003 Ang Lee was nigh invincible: after directing several critically acclaimed sleepers, he broke out internationally with Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. The tragic incomprehensible mess that was The Hulk knocked his career so hard it took two years and a movie about gay cowboys to get it back on track. And he hasn’t done an action movie since.

The trailer was exceptionally well done, as all trailers usually are, taking a steaming pile of schlock and presenting it as filet mignon. Do they give Academy Awards for trailers?

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Batman Begins Trailer – 2005

January 18, 2011 at 7:39 am

Wow, we wish we hadn’t seen Batman Begins already so that we could go watch it again for the first time. This trailer isn’t that spectacular now that we look back on it, but the movie behind it is amazing.

It seems like the best part of this trailer is the look at what will become the new Batmobile, right at the end.

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ABC – 2005 – Addicted To Lost

January 18, 2011 at 7:30 am

We can’t figure out what’s being defiled more here: Lost or Addicted To Love. While we’re not sure that something as corny and obvious as this would entice anyone who wasn’t already watching the show to start tuning in (seriously, did someone in their high school video yearbook class put this together?), we have to admit that it makes us nostalgic for the old bird.

The show had its ups and downs, it wasn’t always brilliant, and they kind of wasted several hours of our lives with the “Tailies” who just up and disappeared, never to be heard from again, but we were sad to see it end.

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Cadillac – 2005 – V Series

January 18, 2011 at 7:20 am

Cadillac does their best to lose us in the first twenty seconds of this too-long ad, then makes us think they’re doing a Battlestar Galactica tribute. Turns out they’re just proud of how fast their dumb cars go, and they were using the analogy (literary word!) of their cars shooting out of a tunnel like a bullet out of the barrel of a gun. If they tried that crap today they’d have the “liberal media” accusing them of fostering an atmosphere of violence.

Does anyone but old people even drive Cadillacs anymore? According to an informal, unscientific, and most likely made up poll I just dreamed up, the average Cadillac drive is 63 years old. Do they really need to be going 60 miles per hour in 5 seconds?

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Fedex – 2004 – Alien Shipping

January 15, 2011 at 1:36 am

This is one of those amazing commercials that you can’t imagine how it ever got approved. It’s so bizarre and hilarious and clearly drug-inspired that it’s a wonder anyone that wears a suit for a living could possibly like it.

For our money, Fedex has an even better creative team than Anheuser Busch, and that’s saying a lot. The Fedex commercials at least have some passing relevance to their product, where the Bud commercials usually have a hilarious concept that has nothing to do with beer.

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Chevrolet – 2004 – Soap In Your Mouth

January 15, 2011 at 1:30 am

The reveal on the joke is great, so we won’t spoil it for anyone. Instead we’ll wonder aloud whether people still put soap in their children’s mouths? We’ve watched A Christmas Story, we know it used to go on back before things like cell phones, the Internet, and good parenting. But what about today, are people really still resorting to what amounts to torture of their children?

Couldn’t soap in their mouth be dangerous in some way? Maybe it would be safer to just duct tape their mouths closed so they can’t speak at all. This way they get the discipline that children these days clearly crave, without the risk of a visit from Children’s Social Services. Maybe tie the little potty mouth to the naughty chair so he doesn’t get any funny ideas.

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Bud Light – 2004 – Wrong Lipstick

January 15, 2011 at 1:24 am

Dale Earnhardt Jr. finds out what it’s like to be live life down here with the rest of us. He may be able to somehow drive a car faster than a jetliner, but that doesn’t absolve him of the responsibilities that the rest of have to deal with on a daily basis. Basically, if your woman leaves a lipstick behind your best bet is just to toss it in the trash. Why take any chances?

Best of luck to you Dale!

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Anheuser-Busch – 2005 – Thank You

January 13, 2011 at 3:23 am

This is an emotionally manipulative piece that aired during the 2005 game, as a thank you to the soldiers both at home and abroad. There’s not much to say about it, unless you want to get all cynical and talk about how Anheuser-Busch uses what looks at first to be a sincere message that actually is just a ploy to sell more beer.

We understand that the point of advertising is to sell stuff, but if they really wanted to simply thank our armed forces service members, they could have left their logo off the ad entirely and left it up to the audience to figure out who aired the spot. That would have been a bolder, more honest message and may have even generated more brand loyalty and sold even more beer.

But oh well, thanking soldiers is good advertising no matter how you do it, we suppose.

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Mitsubishi – 2004 – See What Happens

January 13, 2011 at 3:09 am

In what has to be the most irresponsible example of waste disposal ever depicted, two cars drive down the highway behind semi trucks, with dudes tossing ever-larger junk out the back. We guess the schtick is that one is a Mitsubishi, right? It ends with a web address that challenges you to “see what happens”, which leads us to wonder if anyone ever did care enough to go see what happened?

Awesome music though, that song was stuck in our heads for about 3 years after seeing that spot, which ranks it as simultaneously the best and worst song we’ve ever heard in our lives.

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Staples – 2004 – Randy The Supply Supervisor

January 13, 2011 at 3:00 am

This Stapes ad from 2004 takes racial stereotyping to a whole new level. People pay Randy their respects with sweet breakfast breads until someone discovers that they can go to Staples for their office supply needs instead. The implicit message here is that Staples will send a menacing goon along with your office supply order, to beat their competitors into submission.

That doesn’t sound like a bad business model, but it’s not particularlycreative. It’s just an extension of what Italian-Americans have been doing all along in the areas of drug trafficking and prostitution, right?

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Budweiser – 2004 – Clydesdale Donkey

January 12, 2011 at 3:46 pm

As if you haven’t already had enough of those at times funny, at times regal, but always heartwarming Budweiser Clydesdales. This time there’s a cute little donkey that wants to be a Clydesdale too, but he can’t because he’s a donkey! I mean the spot practically writes itself, which is apparently what the folks at the Anheiser-Busch marketing firm thought too because they sure as hell didn’t put much effort into this.

Sorry, maybe the spot is just so sweet it puts us in sweetness overload, then comes out the other end as pure bitterness. Oh well, it’s a cute little ad that does the job, we suppose.

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