Another commercial that makes us feel entirely too high to be watching commercials. We’re not sure if it necessarily wanted to make us buy a Kia as much as it made us want to hang out with a bunch of people in bizarre animal mascot outfits, but, I guess it’s memorable and in the end, that’s what makes a good commercial… right?

A show about some kind of organization that try and stop killers?! This is new! This is hot! No one has ever done this before except the 18 Law & Orders, 24 CSIs and, you know, Jack Bauer! It’s amazing how interested we as an audience are in crime — it’s almost as if we’d kill just to see it.

See what we did there?

Wait, there’s NAKED girls on the Internet?! And all we have to do is go to the GoDaddy.com site and — wait a minute, no one gets naked on that site! So many lies…

You know, the GoDaddy commercials are so ridiculous in their pandering to geeky guys who want to see breasts that it’s almost hilarious. Almost. If it wasn’t so shameless.

Wait, when did Barack relinquish his Presidency to chickens? What’s happening?! You’d think if the chickens had this kind of control they wouldn’t really worry about the whole Dennys breakfast thing…

There’s something mildly irritating about the, “Great day for Americans, bad day for chickens” tagline. Maybe it’s because if you replace the chicken part with the current enemy country of choice, you get the tagline for America in general.

Or maybe we didn’t drink enough Bud Light during the Superbowl to fully appreciate the ad and the torturing of chickens.

We love all these new TVs. With Samsung releasing a 3D TV and this Vizio that puts the Internets directly into your home, it’s all great but, jesus, it makes us not want to invest into any screen until we know for sure that a better one isn’t going to come out in a week.

Still, Vizio’s in on the future of entertainment. This TV is a huge step for web series and things of that nature — it’s not just on your small little monitor anymore, now you can watch and read things (like our blog) right on your TV. Prepare for this to be the standard of the future.

You know what? We loved that commercial. Well shot, adorable, fast and memorable. It’s everything a commercial should be — it never bores, it never makes you roll your eyes and it doesn’t feel like the same ol’ thing we see every day. We’re fans. Plus, you can never go wrong with Tracy Morgan — especially if you pair him with a smug Stevie Wonder. That’s just a recipe for success.

Yeah! Take THAT Google! Nobody needs you anymore! All we need is our phones, text messaging, and a company named after a Soviet-era government agency that was known for its brutality to help us find our way!

Okay, sure, so, KGB sounds like a pretty fun service. But, come on, guys — as if we’re going to ask KGB the number of the closest escort service or what the average penis length is. It’s just not happening — and as long as there’s adult entertainment, Google will reign supreme.

Oh god, it’s like an LSD-influenced fever dream that makes less and less sense the more you watch it. But we think we got it, it’s like… eat Emerald Nuts and PopSecret and… become… like a dolphin in a… okay, we’re not sure. But, we like the tagline and every time we’ll see a thing of Emerald Nuts we’ll get flashbacks. So, frankly, mission accomplished Emerald Nuts, mission accomplished.

Oh, Chevy, when will you stop getting into hilarious trouble! We love the callback by HomeAway.com and admire Chevy’s willingness to shoot a short film (which we imagine he got paid quite nicely for). Also, call us crazy, but we’re fans of the whole, “Go see the whole commercial on our website!” thing. Why? Because, it means that commercials are becoming less, “Hot Girl Drinks Beer” and more actual short films, which, frankly, is the only way commercials are going to survive in the Tivo Age.

Really, TV.com? Your website is called TV.com and you can’t think of a better TV commercial? Frankly, it feels like you just wasted a million dollars on nothing. Also, a piece of advice — we get what you’re trying to do, but, watching a commercial on TV that’s in a computer monitor doesn’t make us want to go to your website, it makes us just want to watch TV.

A Prince of Persia movie?! With a dagger that turns back time?! My god, how far the game has come. We remember playing the original, being utterly amazed at the almost-realistic movement of the hero and then realizing that 98% of the game was jumping over cliffs and/or falling to a grisly spike-filled death.

The only thing that can possibly make this movie better is if at the end of every Act, the Prince has to pick the non-poisonous potion out of a room filled with poisonous potions. Because that’s how they did it in Persia.

It’s true, if the world was ending, why not break out the watery low-fat goodness of Bud Light? It might make the hot scientist girl finally kiss you. It might make you want to ride the giant telescope like a horse. Or it might just make you realize that hey, maybe, just maybe, you should try a better beer.

Seriously, though — if the first thing we reach for when we found out the world was ending was a Bud Light, we should’ve ended our lives years earlier.