Dennys Free Grand Slam – Super Bowl 2010

Okay, fine — we weren’t big fans of the other Dennys commercials this year but, that one was pretty good. If you’re not on board, that was a little reference to that beloved internet trend of showing something sweet and then frightening the hell out of the viewer with some kind of woman shrieking at the top of her lungs. Very clever, Dennys, very clever.

You know what scares us though? As much as we hate Dennys food, we literally thought, “Oh, really, free Grand Slam on our birthday?” It’s as if “free” makes everything okay. Take note, prostitutes.

What? Why would we say that?

NCAA March Madness

There’s something odd about advertising another sport during a huge event for a completely different one. It makes sense and all it just… it makes us go, okay, okay, we’ll get to NCAA in March – can we get back to people smashing into one another now? Please? Less bouncing ball and more bumping heads.

Dante’s Inferno – Go To Hell – Super Bowl 2010

Fun fact: EA had trouble getting this commercial passed because the tagline was originally, “Go to Hell” and because there was nothing about not aborting your baby in the commercial.

On a side note, we wonder sometimes if Dante Alghieri would enjoy playing the video game version of his epic poem or if he would, instead, scream sacrilege and go pray himself to death. We’re just saying: how far art has gone into the bizarre.

Alice in Wonderland Preview – Super Bowl 2010

Tim Burton film, plus Alice in Wonderland sequel (technically), plus Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter equals pure, pure gold. Yes, we’re slightly worried that they Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ed it. But In Burton We Trust — and you just can’t ruin one of the best fairytales ever written — especially when the thing seems to have almost been written FOR Mr. Burton.

TruTV Troy “Punxsutawney” Polamalu

Cute commercial. Though it makes us immediately think of Bill Murray and one of the best movies ever made… Groundhog’s Day. Anyway, did this commercial make anyone else really, really want a little Polamalu in like a cage in your house to play with? Anyone? No? Okay, us either.

Telefora – Valentines Day – Super Bowl 2010

Man, those are some mean, dead flowers. We’re happy that the mildly unnattractive woman got Teleflora’s vase’d flowers, though, because otherwise we wouldn’t have respected her as much. Though, honestly, we think the girl that appreciates dead talking flowers is the girl that we’re going to one day marry.

Dodge Charger – Man’s Last Stand – Super Bowl 2010

Best part of that commercial, aside for the funny? The VO is done by Mr. Dexter himself — which explains why it’s good in the first place. Cute commercial, but a little sad, isn’t it? Besides, we’re not owned by women so we could drive our Dodge Charger, we do what they want because they have vaginas.

Duh.

Careerbuilder – Casual Friday – Super Bowl 2010

Awesome commercial. Frankly, we think everywhere you go should be casual Fridays. Banks, coffee shops — you really get to know a person when you see them in their underwear. It’s how we can bring about world peace — there’s just no fighting someone in tighty-whiteys.

Dove for Men – Super Bowl 2010

At LAST! Dove for MEN! It’s a great commercial with a great tune but we think it’s hilarious that Dove’s main campaign is — look, we know this is a feminine product, but come on. You deserve it. Be girly. Stop trying to do stuff guys always do — use some Dove, get a wax, buy a tampon, come on, being a woman is fun!

Hyundai Brett Favre – Super Bowl 2010

What the hell, Hyundai will still be using wheels in 10 years?! Psht. That’s so 5 years from now. Where’s our floating, hyper-space-capable Hyundai’s? In fact, weren’t we supposed to have hovercars like, 10 years ago? Come on, technology, hurry it up.