Cadillac does their best to lose us in the first twenty seconds of this too-long ad, then makes us think they’re doing a Battlestar Galactica tribute. Turns out they’re just proud of how fast their dumb cars go, and they were using the analogy (literary word!) of their cars shooting out of a tunnel like a bullet out of the barrel of a gun. If they tried that crap today they’d have the “liberal media” accusing them of fostering an atmosphere of violence.

Does anyone but old people even drive Cadillacs anymore? According to an informal, unscientific, and most likely made up poll I just dreamed up, the average Cadillac drive is 63 years old. Do they really need to be going 60 miles per hour in 5 seconds?